From the very first moment I met my wife in person, there has never been a moment of feeling uncomfortable with her. Considering I met her on line 39 days earlier and now was meeting her to marry her, you’d think there might be some kind of insecurity, but there was none.
This article was based off a video of a recent live stream I did on my channel Love Beyond the Sea
It has always perplexed me how I could so rapidly propose to a younger woman from about 9,800 miles away, start immigration paperwork, and have her begin wedding invitations before I had even met her in person. Not only that, but coming off a mind-boggling-Guinness Book of World Records-thirty years without a relationship, I would have expected some nervousness, maybe even a little anxiety to see her for the first time, marry her, honeymoon with her, then fly back to the United States.
The whole process was surreal and part of me wishes I could relive it all over again, just so I could slow it down and maybe even enjoy the process more. It happened so quickly, yet at the same time it seemed like it happened in slow motion because it felt like we had communicated for longer. Why is it that I have never felt uncomfortable with her, despite the differences?
A Closer look
The right pace for finding a Filipina Wife
Was I consumed with all the details?
There is a lot to do in a short amount of time when you propose to a woman in another country, then need to start a visa process, get a passport, ask for a month off work, make an appointment at the embassy in Manila, then leave the country for the first time in your life. I don’t think my mother understood I was going to the Philippines to get married, not just to visit the woman I had been telling her about.
There are the travel plans. Sometimes I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, but I was just taking it one quick step at a time. Thankfully there was a passport weekend right around the corner which allowed me to get the passport quickly, and somehow, I learned that I needed some immunizations. I almost missed the flight from LA to Manila when I didn’t check in, but I didn’t even know what that meant.
My travel agent told me but it went right past me. The plane had boarded when I showed up to the terminal because I didn’t know what to do when I got to LAX. I stood in the wrong line (thanks to the person that told me to do that), then called my agent who was fortunately at work and told me I needed to take a shuttle. Somehow, I got on the plane and it took off. I remember repeating “You have got to get me on that plane, I am going there to get married!”
When things started to slow down after meeting with her, I still never felt uncomfortable or out of place with her.
Was I being foolish?
To be honest with you, at this time I was not aware of the risk of getting scammed, at least I don’t recall that I was. I don’t think I had the time to be informed of that because I had spent what seemed like three months in constant contact with my amazing Aiza, even though it was really only 18 days before proposing to her.
As I have explained in other videos, I knew all I needed to know and felt no reason to wait any longer to marry her. I prefer the word aggressive to foolish, because foolish indicates making an uneducated, unprepared decision that is going to lead to ruin.
After having time to reflect on our relationship, I still never felt uncomfortable or out of place with her.
A Closer look
Our Review of the Site Bob Used to Meet His Wife
Preparation plus opportunity equals success
However, I felt well prepared by learning everything I could about marriage over those three decades, which were punctuated with a lot of depression because I desperately wanted to get going with a relationship, only to be met head on with roadblocks. It is by the grace of God I didn’t end my life.
This relationship was not an overnight sensation. I was searching before she was even born. Let that sink in. I had felt ready for a marriage for quite awhile only to get stymied. The good thing was I didn’t give up and as badly as I wanted to, I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had. I was driven and just had to marry. When my wife right away offered me her focus if I would do the same, life was breathed into my hopes like God breathed life into Adam. Okay, perhaps that’s a little dramatic.
Was I overly emotional?
Is it possible I was too emotional considering the long dry spell, the rejection, the unanswered prayers? Did that somehow interfere with the ability to recognize the situation I had gotten myself into, that should have made me uncomfortable?
I don’t think so. I had already endured the long wait and now had a chance to finally do what I had always wanted to do, I just wasn’t expecting it to be with someone so far away. I think all the groundwork for the relationship had already been put into place over the years and I felt like I was in sound body and mind.
Was I in love with being in love?
Alright, perhaps as they say, I was in love with being in love? That’s emotional which I already dismissed a minute ago. Being in love is a wonderful thing but I knew full well there would be the usual difficulties all couples face, not to mention the nuances of an international, bicultural one. I was also working a lot of hours so that allowed me to temper my emotions some.
Was I thinking at all?
Well, it’s not like I was a zombie. I had kept my pastor abreast of all the details by regularly meeting with him. He was a person who encouraged me to not give up trying to find a wife. That’s a video I should link so I will do that, I made one where I interviewed him after my wife arrived from the Philippines. If my thought process had been askew, he would have cautioned me but the only minor concern he had was that he thought it would be better if my fiancé was a few years older, however she is a mature woman.
My pastor helped advise me during the process of pursuing my wife
Meant to be
But why was I not nervous when I met her at the airport? Why was I not afraid finding myself in another country a million miles away? Why was I not embarrassed or self-conscious on our wedding night? Why has it seemed like we were meant to be together? Probably because we were meant to be together! I never concerned myself with how quickly we got married. I only concerned myself with committing to her and accomplishing what I had long considered my mission-to get married!
My wife has not given me a reason to be uncomfortable
All the other things I’ve mentioned are part of this, but the clincher is my wife. She has been as steady as they come. She has accepted our relationship as any other and so have I. I mean, how exactly were we supposed to feel? If there were a high degree of discomfort and doubt, that would mean something was wrong. It has been straight forward but at no time has our experience been without emotion. We were both excited to get married. At no time has my wife said anything about us getting married too fast.
Both of us believe we are an answer to prayer, although the circumstances surrounding our coming together were quite different. She was 26, I was 53. That has never been a topic of conversation between us. We both had prayed for a spouse. I wanted to be married, she wanted to be married, I proposed to her, she accepted. I met her as I said I would, and we got married in the Philippines in 2015. In January of 2016 she arrived to be with me.
Maybe I shouldn’t use this analogy, but it does come to mind. It was sort of like rescuing someone from a burning house. You don’t take or have the time to consider the consequences or risks, you just know you have to do something and you better do it quick. You see potential destruction and you know you have to make a move to save someone. You don’t consider getting burned, you only focus on the outcome that you believe must happen and you will risk it all to save a life.
In this analogy, the burning house was my life, my dreams, my need for a wife. I could feel the heat from the flames, I could already feel weakness and dread that it might burn down for good. Inside the house was this little woman from Davao City Philippines, who I needed to save from the burning house, and I ran further and faster than I thought I was capable of.
I didn’t die. I wasn’t burned. I didn’t act in foolish haste; I knew what was at stake. I might not get this opportunity again. I felt like my dreams were burning to the ground and I couldn’t let that happen.
I am sure many of you who have married a Filipina can say “When it’s right, it’s right”, or “When it’s right, you know it.” Please leave a comment about your love story, if you are inclined. I am still pinching myself over ours.
Although I was alone for many years, these days I feel like our souls have always been meant to be together, it just feels right. The past was all meant to be too, but these days my focus is on the future with my love beyond the sea.