This post is pretty personal. It's about my reasons for looking for a wife overseas. I don't doubt that what I say here is likely to draw some flak from some people; but I don't care (this is my blog after all).
There are a plethora of reasons different men look abroad for serious relationships. These are mine. Behind my decision there are 2 reasons and 4 people....
Why international dating?
Reason 1: my parents
I've never been more in love with your mother than I am now.
One month before I graduated college my father was unexpectedly diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was always a very healthy man so it caught us all by surprise. The next 7 months were the most difficult months in the life of the family I grew up in.
For the next 7 months I stayed home to take care of the house, care for my dad, and most importantly take care of my 3 sisters, who were much younger than I was. My mother worked during the day, cared for my dad during in the evening, and took him to treatments. My father eventually passed away that autumn.
I'll never forget how about a month or so before he died he spoke with me frankly while we were sitting on the couch. He looked horrible, like his skin had been stretched over his bare bones. He was also in constant pain and exhaustion (no one tells you how tired you'll be under chemo).
Anyways...he told me how in the past few months he and my mom had grown closer than they had ever been in their 20+ years of marriage. He talked about how since he was sick all the pleasantries of marriage had all but disappeared. But it the midst of his pain and suffering he found the love and attention of my mom on full display.
During that time her entire life centered around caring for my father and doing what was best for him. She cared for him in the big and obvious ways, but also in the little and not so obvious ways. My father always seemed stronger when my mom was around. When she wasn't nearby he seemed ...almost nervous.
The way my mother loved my dad during that year, and the effect she had on him left an indelible impression on me.
Reason 2: My grandparents
My grandparents were old school, very old school. They both grew up dirt poor (literally) during the depression near the Mexican border in Southern Texas. My grandfather fought in the Pacific during WW2 and retired from the Air Force in the 1970's. He and my grandmother met on a bus in San Antonio, were married for over 50 years, and had 5 children (one of which was my father).
Their home nurtured their grandchildren
Ask any of my cousins (I have a lot) and they will tell you that the days growing up at Grandma and Grandpa's house were some of the best of our lives. I never thought twice about how unique my grandparents were, at least in comparison to every other family or couple I knew. Their house always felt like the safest, most secure, and even natural place on earth.
There was something about their relationship that affected their home. Their grandkids weren't the only ones drawn to it. Neighbors and friends often found themselves in their home as well.
As someone born in the late 1980's, my grandparents were so old school that to me it didn't seem old...it seemed almost new. I realized as I got older how much of an anomaly they were. No one I knew had quite the same values as they did.
My grandfather's stroke and my grandmother's love
In the early 80's, before my parents even met, my grandfather suffered a series of strokes that left him paralyzed on one side of his body. He was unable to talk, and he could barely walk with the assistance of a cane.
My grandmother took care of him. She bathed him, clothed, him, walked him in a wheel chair, and did all the simple things he was unable to do for himself. What's more she still very much loved and respected him. Even though he was paralyzed and mute he was still the man of the house, he was still her dear husband. My grandmother did this for over 20 years until his passing in 2010.
Character + Femininity = awesome wife
Character = for better or worse
If it's one thing I've learned from my parents and grandparents, it's that life doesn't always go the way you'd like. Sooner or later shit will hit the fan in one way or another. It's important to look for someone you can trust to be there with you no matter what happens.
Romantic feelings come and go like good weather, but it's on character and commitment that a true relationship rests.
These days novelty trumps character
I'm getting close to 30 and this idea still has yet to dawn on most of my peers. At this age many in the dating scene still suffer from an awful case of shortsightedness. A person's character isn't valued that much. Charisma or novelty still win out. God forbid you should mention anything about a life long commitment.
The truth is I fully intend to commit myself for the long haul should I find a wife. I only ask of her that she do the same for me. But if you talk like that to most girls I've met they'll cry, either because it scares them half to death or they think it's hilariously naive.
A feminine woman is worth twice her weight in gold (because she's probably not fat)
There is not a single person who's met my grandmother who didn't praise her. She is the most nurturing woman I know. She only ever puts others before herself. To this day if you walk into her house you will be fed and asked questions about your life and family.
My grandmother is a model of traditional femininity
She never questioned her role as a woman. She simply fulfilled it. If you ask her how she was able to care for my grandfather for so many years she'll just say, "He was my husband, that's what you do". The gender roles in their house were never in doubt, and our family was the better for it.
She handled all the housework (my grandfather used to help when he was healthy). To her, her house and home were reflections of herself. Thus she always made sure everything and everyone was cared for. Now she's so old the problem is trying to get her to stop taking care of everything.
She's always been good with children, especially babies. If there's a baby in the room it always ends up in her arms. Over the years she had a hand in raising and caring for more than just her own children.
She's always mindful of appearances and does her best to look her best (she'll also make a point to tell you if she thinks you don't look your best). To this day she still walks over a mile 2-3 times a week (she's over 90 years old).
Where can I find a woman like that?
I could go on, but suffice to say my grandmother has been a bedrock and a huge blessing for over 3 generations of our family, and a significant part of that was because she had strong character and embraced her femininity.
Character and femininity...these words are often sneered at like by-gone relics of a simpler and more ignorant time. God forbid I should say I want a woman with those qualities. I'd likely be burned at the stake.
But that's the kind of woman I want. After seeing my grandmother and mother in action, how could I ever settle for anything less? The mold of the honest and feminine woman was broken a long time ago in the west. That's why I've decided to look elsewhere for a wife. I think that kind of woman is literally worth traveling the world to find.