I was 53 years old in 2015 when I began to feel the weight of losing hope I would be able to find a woman to marry, and she had to be a Christian. I had been alone for a stunning 30 years, in the so-called prime of my life, without someone to come home to; a companion to enjoy life with. I really don’t have an answer for why this was.
I tried looking but it was futile. I tried some different churches but they weren’t well attended by single women, at least not the kind without a boyfriend. Something I believed to be so critical for wellbeing and purpose-being married-seemed so far out of reach.
When church becomes a dead end for finding this valuable wife, I did what I had previously been uncomfortable with, and that was join an on-line dating site. After some years, I had joined four of them and gave two of them another chance and got a whopping one date in 12 years! You don’t need a calculator to know that’s not a good investment.
This lone date was to a 52-year-old woman who lived fairly close to me but declined another date with me because “I can’t relate to you”. She was referring to the fact I had not been married and had no children.
As you may very well know, it isn’t as easy as “just ask someone out and go from there”. It was nearly impossible to get a date. Was I picky? I think you have to be within reason but I was beginning to implode with the thought that I was going to live alone in a couple’s world, and die alone. I had not considered that God might have someone that could relate to me in another country.
Why not the Philippines?
How did I end of looking in the Philippines? You might be surprised it was inspired by my pastor at church. He had read an article about a man who formed a relationship with a woman in the Philippines, a much younger one, and was intrigued by what he said about the culture. My pastor thought our stories had some similarities and encouraged me to consider finding a wife in the Philippines.
I decided I should look for a Christian dating site in the Philippines, if there even was such a thing, and the first one I saw was Christian Filipina. I checked the internet for more information and learned that it had a good rating.
Prior to this I thought it was better for me to date someone in my own city so we could have more time to spend together. 50 miles was my cut off point before, now I was considering meeting someone almost ten thousand miles away.
A short engagement and a long wait
Even now as I write this, being married for over two and a half years, I have to pinch myself to see if I really did find a lovely young Filipina with high character. Our story is an example of how quickly a man can find a wife this way.
I was not going to quit trying to get married because I knew I needed a wife. I joined Christian Filipina on March 13, 2015, sent a wink to my now wife on March 17 and by April 4 I was engaged to be married to a beautiful, petite, 26-year old Christian woman who was exactly what I was looking for. That’s right, 17 days after winking at her on a break at work, I had a commitment from “My Amazing Aiza”.
When I told my mother that I was going to the Philippines to get married, it went right past her. She thought I was going there to meet Aiza but that was all. It took us all of seven weeks and five days to become husband and wife, and eight months for her to arrive in America to be with me the rest of my life.
Looking back on it all now, I can see how fast the time went. Although I was very concerned about the long immigration wait, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it might be. I kept busy continuing to get to know my wife, working, and trying to identify other Filipinas that my wife could meet here.
Christian Filipina is the site Bob used to meet his now wife.
The process of meeting her online and then having her here to be with me the rest of my life was extremely exciting. I wish there was I way I could relive it again just to feel the emotion again, the thrill. I honestly hope other men are able to relate to this one day, but they will need to take on some risk for the adventure of international romance, or at least leave your comfort zone.
Immigration process almost scared me away
I almost missed out on this because I was disappointed to know that there was an immigration process to go through and that I couldn’t marry in the Philippines and fly back with my precious wife. I told the salesperson on the phone that I would have to sleep on it and let her know in the morning what I had decided. I considered how miserable I was being alone for so long and figured that wasn’t about to change if I didn’t do something “out of the box”.
I decided that IF I could find a Filipina in a year then after immigration we would be together for the rest of our lives, even if it took two years. To be honest with you, it wasn’t so much that I might not find a wife there, but I didn’t want to wait that long. However, a typical dating situation leading to marriage takes that long or more anyway, even in your own country. I decided to pay for my membership the next day. I was not expecting my dreams to come true in what seemed like the blink of an eye.
Was I speeding officer?
I have an email I sent to my pastor on day 12 of my relationship with my Aiza, saying I was considering asking her to marry me…day 12! It didn’t seem that quick at the time. He didn’t criticize me. This is one piece of evidence of relationship we used when filing my petition. Anytime you can get a third party involved, this strengthens your case. On day 18 I finally proposed to her online and she said yes, but wanted to see me there first. Again, this is another moment I wish I could somehow relive, it was so exciting.
Since I had never done anything like this before, I didn’t realize I had to have a passport to go to the Philippines. Normally this would have taken several weeks or more but by God’s goodness, that very weekend was a “passport day” at a local post office. I waited many hours in line after getting there before it opened, and still almost was left out due to so many people getting there earlier than I did.
The thought of one day being with this woman as her husband helped sustain me through many other instances of long waiting. I found out I needed some immunizations as suggested by a nurse and quickly got those at a Walgreens. I got permission at work for a month off, got the plane tickets, made the necessary appointment at the US Embassy in Manila and grabbed my “Indiana Jones” hat and headed for the Philippines. It is amazing what a man can do when he is totally invested in something, and wants it so badly.
"It is amazing what a man can do when he is totally invested in something, and wants it so badly."
Quick marriages are not uncommon in the Philippines, and I like that, but how could we know each other in that short amount of time? The secret answer is that we couldn’t. I had waited long enough and came to the conclusion that the most important and only necessary quality she had to have was to be a Christian, since I am.
Physically, she was everything I had always wanted. 4’11”, 92 pounds, long black hair, I could rave on and on, but my strategy was to marry a Christian and continue to learn about each other as we waited out the immigration process, which was actually only six months, but we agreed she would stay a little longer.
You’ve probably heard of speed dating, our relationship was speed marriage, and it worked. I knew the first two years would likely be the toughest, and they have been, but as we approach the second anniversary of being together in America, we have made significant strides in learning how best to relate to each other.
A bit of advice
There is outstanding information on how to avoid getting scammed on this very website and how to mentally prepare for the journey ahead if you choose to date internationally. Some other things would be to be polite and courteous if you are trying to connect with a Filipina..
A one man woman wants a one woman man
They may or may not be used to fielding interest from foreign men but I get the impression they don’t want game players, crude language, or want to see someone without a shirt on. They tend to be shy but friendly. I think they want a man to pursue them and make them their number one target.
A Filipina might understand why you would be connecting with her, yet chatting with other women on a paid dating site, but she probably won’t like it. I think she would prefer you focus on her, and I think that’s a good thing.
We date differently in America, but this doesn’t resonate with women in the Philippines. My wife had the boldness to let me know that she wanted to focus on me and would hide her profile from other potential mates, but preferred I do the same.
I explained to her that I just recently joined up and even mentioned how much money I spent, but that didn’t matter to her. I had to think about that for a minute…or two. I didn’t like the idea of placing any limits this soon in the whole process of looking for a wife, but then again, I was on there to find a wife, and this little woman actually appeared to be giving me a chance, and that wasn’t something I was used to.
Even the next woman on my list felt the same way. She went so far as to tell me that she hoped I would marry Aiza and wanted me to see that through, but if it didn’t work out, she would be there. Both of these women epitomize that a Filipina wants to be sought after as someone special, not one out of many. They don’t want to compete with other women. They want, even in the early stage, a one-woman man. I believe a Filipina is a one-man woman.
"....I am aware that a very low percentage of men actually follow through with going international for a wife...but I believe if you present yourself with dignity and focus on one special Filipina, your search for a wife can be over fairly quickly, as it was with mine.....These women WANT to get married".
Filipinas are pro marriage
I am aware that a very low percentage of men actually follow through with going international for a wife (I am trying to help change that), but I believe if you present yourself with dignity and focus on one special Filipina, your search for a wife can be over fairly quickly, as it was with mine. You don’t have to speed through any stop signs and stop lights like I did, but the road to the altar is very doable in the Philippines. These women WANT to get married.